Holy Haddock

Scientific name: Melanogrammus aeglefinus
Market name: Haddock
Common names: Haddock, Finnan Haddie

I wonder if anyone has a spare Haddock about their person they would lend me for a while? These excellent looking Haddock are just the kind of thing I'm looking for. And I know you'll wonder why.

In our house the phrase 'slap me round the face with a wet haddock' is one of those things we say when we want someone to wake us up or surprise us in some small way. It maybe due to my fish selling ancestors that this phrase has entered our reperoire - then again perhaps not.

I need a wet Haddock to wake up a group of people who have written a very irritating book. The book 'Evangelism in a Spiritual Age: communicating faith in a changing culture' is by Stephen Croft and friends and published by Church House Publishing for the Anglican Church (2005). And why do I want to slap Stephen and his mates round the face with a wet Haddock. 'Cos they need to wake up -that's why.

The book pretends to be a new way of thinking about evangelism. Oh who will deliver us from this dratted 'e' word? A bunch of well meaning 'e' folk have got together and written a well meaning book about 'e' (not the controlled substance that concerned Professor Nutt this week) in a spiritual age - that's now they reckon.

It begins with Yvonne Richmond (first Haddock for her) telling us how she gave up her more agressive form of 'e' for a gentler listening sort of 'e' and whoa how surprised was she to find that she developed relationships with people. If that was not enough we then get a long commentary on a research project (good research project, maybe a nice plate of Haddock and chips for the researcher) in which we find out that ordinary people want to ask six big questions (more haddock please). I'll leave you to guess which ones.

Then Mark Ireland (two Haddock for him, one on each cheek - he'd doubtless turn the other one anyway) tells us how to do this sort of gentle 'e' in ordinary churches at funerals and at Christmas and such like. What the Haddock does he think we've been doing all this time (I do not believe it)? 'Perhaps we need to stop assuming that those who don't go to church have no faith' is smuggly says on page 77. For goodness sake, you do not even deserve all this Haddock I'm throwing at you. What sort of ministry have you people been practising all this time. And published by the Anglican Church. Well quite frankly you deserve everyone to leave (my ancestors left in 1662 by the way).

So why read the book at all. All I can say in my defense is I was asked to for a CWM conference I am preparing to take part in during January 2010. The book seems to think there is some sort of fringe or edge to the church that people inhabit vaguely or fall off. I can't say I see it that way. During a CWM event in 1994 I had the vision of a church with no inside or outside. I refered to it at my ordination, when I got a roll of toilet paper and threw it down the aisle in a long stream and then ripped it up (I think that was after I held up my bra). Mr Ireland says the new Anglican liturgies 'intentionally allow latitude' (page 83). Unfortunately not quite as much latitude as that.

So for now I'm staying out - where ever that is. If the book did anything positive for me it reminded me to keep moving. Once the well meaning 'e' folk start to catch up with you and begin to espouse something that sounds warm and 'bunny cuddly' as a friend of mine put it, it's time to be on your way, looking for the cutting edge of the gospel out there, everywhere, anywhere. Haddock anyone?